El Día que Fortuno le Dio el Sí a Bush

"Bienaventurados los de abajo, porque ellos cogerán desde arriba".

Doña Chencha

Luis Fortuño estaba practicando el himno de su nación con los hijos. “Oh say can you see...”cuando recibió la llamada inesperada de su presidente.

Bush: ¿Hola amigo, cómo estás Luis?

Fortuño se quedó de una pieza. Era el jefe de los jefes, el hombre de los hombres, el líder de los líderes llamándolo personalmente y hablándole en español.

Bush: ¿Cómo está tu poso?

Fortuno: ¿Mi poso? Sr. Presidente, acá ya tenemos alcantarillados, no tengo pozo séptico”

Bush: No, no, tu, how do you say, your wifo, tu hembro.

Fortuno: ¡Oh mi esposa! Bien señor, está en la cocina haciendo los hot dogs. ¿Y a qué se debe el honor de su llamada? (Fortuño estaba culeco).

Bush: Bueno Luisito, you know que los pavos mataron mucho Armenians. Uno masacro.

Fortuno: ¿De qué me habla senor presidente? ¿Qué pavos?

Bush: Los de Turkey, Luis. Esos muslims que se creen europeos.

Fortuno: Ah, se refiere a los turcos. Sí, mataron a cientos de miles de armenios durante la Primera Guerra Mundial. Voy a votar a favor de la resolución para condenar a los turcos esos”

Bush: No, no, no, Luis. Tú no te mandas. Listen, you are my favorite Puerto Rican. Don’t get me upset Luis”.

Fortuno: No entiendo Sr. President.

Bush: Tú vas a votar en contra, no a favor.

Fortuno: Pero es que ya anuncié en Puerto Rico cómo voy a votar.

Bush: Fortuno, don’t make me get Condi on the phone. Ella está al ladito mío. And you know how she gets cuando se vuelve encojonated. I like the little brown ones over there but I have my limits.

Fortuno: Pero es un asunto de ética professional y de principios Sr. Presidente.

Bush: Oh fuck principles! Condi, come here and talk to this asshole!

Fortuno: O.K. Mr. Presidente. As you wish.

A continuación la noticia REAL que inspiró esta historia:

(Associated Press. San Juan, Puerto Rico). Puerto Rico's representative in the U.S. Congress said he switched his vote on a bill he had co-sponsored on the World War I killings of Armenians after President George W. Bush lobbied him in Spanish.

"He said, 'Hola amigo, como estas, Luis?'," Luis Fortuno said in a telephone phone interview. Bush's greeting in Spanish "caught me off guard completely."

After asking about Fortuno's family, Bush then switched to English and explained why he thought the House bill co-sponsored by Fortuno, a Republican, that describes the World War I-era killings of Armenians by Ottoman Turks as genocide was a faulty piece of legislation.

The measure angered U.S. ally Turkey and forced Bush and his top two Cabinet members and other senior officials to make a series of last-minute appeals to lawmakers to reject it.

But the House foreign affairs committee defied Bush with its 27-21 vote Wednesday to send the Armenian measure to the full House for a vote. The administration will now try to pressure Democratic leaders not to schedule a vote, though it is expected to pass.


Fortuno, however, said he decided to vote against the bill he co-sponsored after his five-minute conversation with Bush. He said he made the switch because Bush told him that Turkey had created an independent panel to review the century-old events and determine whether Armenian survivors should receive reparations.

As the elected resident commissioner for the U.S. territory, Fortuno can vote in congressional committees but is barred from voting on the final version of bills.

Lea más sobre la masace de armenios a manos de los turcos oprimiendo la foto que sigue.